Inside my mind

Walking away from the place that nearly broke me after nine years, now entering a chapter of my life. The last day of elementary school was by far one of the happiest days of my life. I could walk away with my head held high and leave all that pain behind. The future was exciting and was looking forward to meeting it.

I remember walking out of the big wooden doors, walking down the stairs to the rough concrete schoolyard where I had spent too many days hurting. Not caring one bit about who and what was left behind. I was just so happy to finally be able to get away from all those other kids that had made my life a living hell.

At the age of fifteen my mind was solely focused on what was here and now. I did not have the capacity to consider making any long term plans for the future and memories of what was were being pushed down into the abyss. This pushing down memories was the only defence I had against not going insane.

Just one year prior I had thoughts of ending it all. It was a late autumn evening where I went to my first school where all the pain had started. I had it all planned out. I would end it on the bench just below my old classroom to make a statement. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered that much really but there I was. It was a fairly warm evening. Only the harsh light from wall mounted floodlights and faint lights from surrounding buildings lit the darkness. Minutes turned to hours while I was contemplating reality and the current situation. Memories flooded me while I was sitting there on that wooden bench I had walked passed so many times but never given much attention.

The question that was really annoying me was how come everyone else seemed to be so happy every day in school whilst I was feeling so misserable?

To be continued…